february flashback!

It was so much easier to photograph the boy a year ago ...




(When he couldn't move)

monkey see, monkey do

As has been mentioned before, I am a science teacher.

I like science ... I think I always have.

I like the concept of using evidence to support a claim.

I like to think logically.

I like to problem solve.

But, by the same token, I am a spiritual person.

I believe in a Higher Power and that everything happens for a reason.

That what goes around comes around.

I say all this because, from my current experiences, being both scientifically minded and religious is something of an oxymoron.

It is unheard of.

It is an either/or situation ...

Certainly not both at the same time!

As a teacher (more specifically, a Biology teacher), I am entrusted with educating my students according to the state standards and curriculum that I am given. This semester, part of that curriculum involves the theory of evolution ...

Now, I could ramble on all day long about there is nothing "evil" or "anti-God" about evolution. How a scientific "theory" is a well-supported body of evidence. How it is no less important (or any less "proven") than a scientific law. I could rant and rave about how the statement "it's just a theory" boils my science-teacher blood. Or how species are constantly evolving and adapting to the changing, chaotic world in which we live ...

But you get the idea.

I'll spare you.

While I do believe in God, I agree with (I hate to say "believe in") the scientific claims described in the theory of evolution ... So, it is very difficult for me, when speaking with parents, to hear them say things like:

"I'll just tell my son that what you're talking about in class is all a fairy tale. He knows that God created the world exactly as it is today."

This not only gets me wondering, as a teacher, if I can truly do my job and educate some of my students (especially if they are being told that the material is all lies) ... It also makes me wonder about just how I want to raise Malcolm when it comes to matters of spirituality and belief.

I mean, we currently attend Catholic mass every Sunday. We read children's books about Jesus and virtues and other faith-related themes. We try to live our lives and show Malcolm, by example, what it means to be a "good person."

Obviously, I am teaching my son about religion and faith at an early age.

The Catholic sacrament of Marriage is performed for just that reason ... To produce children and bring them up in the faith, thereby keeping it alive. But, at the same time, I don't want to shelter him from other ways of thinking. I don't want Malcolm to be the ignorant kid that blindly follows me, his mother, because "I told him so."

I want him to ask questions about everything, to educate himself, and ultimately make his own decisions ...

But what if the decisions that he makes are not the same as what I want for him?

What if they deviate from what I believe to be true?

Can I handle that?

Would I consider that a failure on my part?

All of these thoughts are currently swirling around my head ... And the kid is only a year old! He hasn't even said his first word yet, let alone decided if he thinks evolution is a "fairy tale" or a reality ... Or if he believes in the same God that I do.

As I compose this post, I know that there is no easy answer to my dilemma.

While, on one hand, I want my son to follow my lead and example, I also want him to take ownership of his own beliefs. I want him to inquire about science, religion, everything and to know that it is okay to ask tough questions ...

That sometimes a situation resides in a hazy gray area with no boundary between right and wrong.

That sometimes it's not a matter of "either/or," but rather "both/and."

under the weather

After a busy weekend, the cold that seemed to be going away has caught back up with me and my family ... And, unfortunately, Malcolm seems to have gotten the worst of it.

He's been feverish and irritable for the past two days.

His nose is runny.

His cough is hacking.

He doesn't know what he wants and is generally unhappy.

He's much more accepting of "nap time," sleeping away most of the day.

He hasn't (been) changed out of his footie pajamas.

As his mother, I've been pretty lucky up until now ... Malcolm has always been the picture of health. Sure, his nose has run and he's been grumpy for the afternoon after receiving vaccinations, but he has never had a long-term bug that affected his mood for more than a couple of days. When I think about it, we're almost a year-and-a-half in, and there have been no major sicknesses to speak of ...

Nothing that a little snuggling couldn't fix.

Nothing to complain or think twice about.

This time, it's different.

My little man is legitimately "under the weather" and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.

It is so difficult watching your child cough and cry, knowing that there is little you can do for him ... Despite the baby Tylenol to keep his fever in check, the vaporizer at night to help break up some of the congestion, and the sippy cup full of water to keep him from getting dehydrated, I'm left feeling mostly inadequate.

I can't begin to fathom the feelings I'd endure if I had to hold vigil in the hospital by his bedside, or watch him undergo treatment for some sort of chronic illness ...

I've always felt an intense love for my little boy, but the "Mother Bear" instincts are really kicking in right about now. Malcolm is merely feverish with a nasty cough, but, to me, it seems like so much more.

I'd seriously do anything to make him feel better.

I'd trade places in a second.

But that's not the reality of the situation so I'll just keep plugging away. I'll keep him as happy and comfortable as I possibly can ...

And hope he doesn't pass on his sickness to his father!

marley and me

My Dad has always been a big Bob Marley fan, so Bob's music has always been part of the soundtrack of my life. I have so many memories of dancing around as a little kid ... In the house, in the backyard, in the car, on vacation ... Anywhere!

We were loving Bob Marley in my house before it was something that the "cool kids" did.

So, it's no surprise that Malcolm will grow up knowing Bob and the sounds of his music, as well ...

My family will see to it!

Tee-shirt: ZION Rootswear (gift from my sister)
Long-sleeved onesie: Cherokee (thrifted for $1.00)
Jeans: The Children's Place (thrifted for $2.00)
Socks: Circo ($1.00)
Shoes (unseen): Faded Glory ($6.00)

the changling

I can't put my finger on the exact moment, but it has definitely happened.

My baby has stepped over into the realm of toddlerhood ...

I can see the tiny flashes of independence.

The desire to do everything his way, on his time.

The constant shaking of the head: "No, no, no, no no!" (Funny, that even though he doesn't talk, he's got the whole "no!" thing down already!)

The burning curiosity (and determination to acquire) things that he shouldn't have.

The fake cries.

The whining.

The ability to "help" me out by picking up his toys and closing drawers and doors.

The nonstop energy that propels him from one end of the house to the other ... And back again!

The gradual boycott of the afternoon nap.

In so many ways, my little baby has shown that he's not so little anymore.

He's got his own personality.

His own likes and dislikes.

His own ideas and expectations as to how each day should go.

He has literally changed before my eyes and yet he is still the same ... The same little boy who stole my heart.

It happened, all right.

Malcolm is a toddler.