May 21, 2012

no ifs, ands, or butts

When Malcolm was born, I had a good eight months to get "back in shape" (also known as, "back to my pre-pregnancy weight") before it was bathing suit season in Ohio.

This particular arrangement was perfect, because I could literally hide all of my problem areas under layers (and layers) of clothing until things just sort of went away on their own, little by little ...

Winter (and, I suppose, my metabolism) was very kind to me in that regard.

With Pearl, things are quite a bit different in the "back in shape" arena.

For one thing, time is much, much shorter.

In fact, we are nearing the end of May, giving me only two months to get my act together (four since her birth) if I want to look halfway decent in my summer clothes.

Summer, unlike winter, isn't as kind.

Even with my modest fashions (tee-shirts and tank tops and shorts of a reasonable length are the norm), clothing options are just smaller.

Let's face it.  Less skin is covered no matter who you are.

And there are fewer layers to hide the post-partum curves that I'd rather not flaunt.

To make matters worse, although I didn't gain more weight while gestating Pearl (I actually packed on five pounds less), I somehow got bigger than I did when I was carrying Malcolm.

As in, there's a bit more of me to love ...  Especially in the butt and thigh area.

Certainly not ideal for bathing suit season in Ohio.

So, this Mother's Day (at my request after seeing an infomercial and feeling really pathetic about myself and my post-partum body), my husband purchased me some exercise DVDs.

The Brazil Butt Lift to be exact.

An exercise regimen guaranteed to "reduce, shape, and lift" my behind using proven Tri-angle training ...

And Latin dance moves.

Latin dance moves that my uncoordinated self can barely manage (I must look absolutely ridiculous as I flounce around the living room) and leave me feeling all sore and achy when I am finished ...  So sore and achy that I have trouble sitting up in bed ...  Or bending down to tie my shoes ...  Or walking up the stairs ...

Hey!  It's like being big and pregnant all over again (but without the baby in there)!

But ... 


If all goes according to plan (and I don't break an ankle or tear something important in the process), I should have the backside of my dreams ... Or, more realistically, a decently-sized butt that will actually fit into my shorts and bathing suits again.

And that won't be so flabby.

All I have to do is stick to the schedule that comes with the DVDs ...

And maybe cut back on my sweet tooth tendencies (at least for now).

We'll see how long I can keep it up.

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