September 3, 2010

the back to school blues

Schools everywhere are up and running again.

The high school I used to teach at is no exception.

As I go about my daily routines, I often think about what I'd be doing at school if I hadn't made the choice to stay at home with Malcolm. My mind is full of questions ...

Would I have the same classroom? How would it look this year?

Would I finally have a biology-only schedule?

Would I be teaching multiple honors classes?

Would I get to eat lunch at the same time as my teacher friends?

Would I have strategically placed free periods?

Would my study halls be full of students that actually prefer to study?

As much as I liked to complain about teaching to those that would listen, I have to admit that the high school holds some good memories for me, too. My coworkers were awesome (many of the students weren't half bad either) and I thoroughly enjoyed talking about science all day and passing my enthusiasm for it on to others ... Well, at least to those that were paying attention.

There wasn't a moment that passed that didn't challenge me on some level ... Whether it be intellectually, emotionally, creatively ...

I guess that's why my absence at a school this year is bringing on a host of bittersweet feelings. While I am elated that I have the opportunity to spend all of this time with my son (a decidedly exciting time during which he is constantly growing and changing), part of me misses the hustle and bustle of life at the high school ... The thrill of a new year and the ability to start fresh and make great things happen.

If only I could be in two places at once!

Still, when I stop to really think about it, I remind myself how the initial feeling of optimism as the school year begins gradually fades over time, leaving behind uncertainty and frustration by the end of the year ... So, what sounds like a good thing at the present moment, will eventually turn into a headache.

Something that certainly won't happen as I tend to my little guy.

In that respect, staying at home is the only occupation (during this stage in my life) that will continue to make me happy. No amount of whining or exploding diapers could squelch the positivity that fills the room whenever Malcolm is around ... And if this past year is any indication, things only get better and better!

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