October 14, 2010

work in progress

When I made the switch from working woman to stay-at-home-mom, it was a little bit too easy. I mean, it took absolutely no time at all to adjust to being at home and caring for a little person full time. It was practically instantaneous ... Like taking a breath, it was something that just happened naturally and effortlessly, and felt for all the world like it was something that I was meant to be doing.

The one job that was literally made for me.

This new transition, from stay-at-home-mom to work-from-home-mom, has (already) proven to be a bit more challenging. Although my day-to-day routine has not yet been completely established, I am beginning to see what a "day in the life" is going to look like ... And it is going to be tricky! If being just a mom is any indication of the juggling act that one must perform, this working-from-home mom stuff is going to add about ten more flaming torches to my repertoire. It is going to be really difficult being torn between the duty I feel for two things at the same time:

My son and my job.

It's too darn bad that I'm so loyal and diligent in my endeavors!

About a week ago, as things were just getting started, Malcolm was crabbing and crying at my ankles as I typed away on my work laptop. Instead of reaching down to comfort him (as would have been the case on a normal day), I forced myself to keep working. It was only tired crabbiness ... He wasn't hurt, hungry, or dirty. He could wait. The tears running down his cheeks were merely of the crocodile variety ...

As I quickly glanced down at him, my heart shattered into a million little pieces.

He looked so sad.

What kind of mother would I be if this became the norm? How could I justify the paycheck, yet neglect the one thing that is worth so much more than money?

Suddenly, I felt as miserable as he looked. Turning away from the laptop, I scooped him up into my arms and sat down with him on the living room floor. As soon as he had my attention again, he was all smiles and giggles, his little nose crinkling up on the left side only.

Such a simple solution.

Like I said, mothering this boy is too easy.

That job was made for me.

So, knowing that I now have two important jobs, I fight to seek the balance between being someone's mother and being someone's employee at the very same time. Things are getting better. This past week, there have been no breakdowns (from Malcolm or myself) and a routine is beginning to establish itself. Naps are happening at more convenient times and "new" toys are being presented to keep someone occupied a little longer.

A transition is in the works.

Although it isn't going to be easy, I have a good feeling that we're going to make it work.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there, Emily! This is something I still struggle with. You will find a new routine in no time!