March 31, 2011

the easter bunny's got nothing on me

When I was in high school, and completely enveloped in my then-new relationship with my now-husband, a friend said to me: "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

She was speaking to the insane amounts of time my now-husband and I spent together.

Of our near isolation from the rest of our friends.

On week days, weekends, school breaks, you name it ... We always ended up together. Just us. Whether over the phone or in person, that's just the way it was. We got along so well, why wouldn't we take advantage of those moments? Why wouldn't we want to be together?

The whole "eggs in one basket" chiding didn't sit well with me ... She was just upset that we weren't spending more "couples time" with her and her then-boyfriend. It wasn't really advice meant to help me ... More so to try and make me feel guilty about how my priorities were different than hers.

But sometimes you have to be selfish.

Sometimes you have to go with your gut.

Sometimes there isn't a "Plan B" to fall back on.

I am 100% confident that, if I hadn't taken the time to really connect with my now-husband back in our early days, to begin to construct that solid foundation, things would be drastically different today. If I hadn't made the conscious choice to dedicate myself to our cause, to really and truly immerse myself in us, we wouldn't be married and we certainly wouldn't have our sweet little son.

In many ways, I'm not much different from my high school self.

I continue to keep my "eggs" in one basket.

If I (stubbornly?) set my mind and my heart on an outcome, then there really is no alternative ...

If I sign up as a Biology major my first year of college, I'm going to stick it out no matter how difficult the coursework becomes.

If I take a job at the most dreadful Catholic grade school in all of Cuyahoga county, I'm going to honor my contract, even if most days end in tears.

If I decide on a natural labor and delivery, I'm going to see it through until the end (complete with unexpected back labor).

If I want to stay home with my child and simultaneously hold a full-time job, I'm going to make it work.

I'm not a quitter, and for as long as I have been me, I have never been one to do things "half way."

I see now that the key is maintaining focus. Putting your faith in something so much bigger than yourself and pressing on. Keeping your intentions true. Filling that basket with all of your eggs and protecting it with everything you've got.

Sure, sometimes an egg jostles loose, falls overboard, cracks.

Feelings are hurt, expectations squashed, dreams put in to question ... But you pick up the pieces and keep going.

You carry that basket ... Vow to handle it more carefully.

Learn from your mistakes.

But you stay focused.

Always, always stay focused.

You keep your eyes forward and take one step at a time.

If I stop and really think about it, I honestly couldn't imagine my life any other way than how it is right now. I know that everything that's happened to me up to this point, from the biggest of events to the seemingly insignificant details, has put me at this exact moment ... All of my eggs, tucked safely away.

Sometimes "Plan A" is enough.

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