March 2, 2012

baby books and new beginnings

I ordered and received a keepsake baby book for Baby #2 over the weekend. It is the same one I have for Malcolm (which is almost full now, and subsequently blows my mind!), so filling out its pages a second time has been a bit surreal.

As I write with my silver jelly pen, I am immediately transported back to the days when I was anticipating (and then just getting to know) my first child.

Would we have a boy or a girl?

When would he/she decide to join our family?

How would that whole experience go?

How would our day-to-day lives change once we were back home?

Would I be a good mother?

These same questions are finding their way back into my mind today, although now they are revolving around this new reality of having a second child ...

A newborn baby in addition to a toddler.

A pair of kids.


In the past couple of years, I've grown so accustomed to life as a mother of one that it is hard to wrap my mind around the changes that are nearly upon me ...

The routines that Malcolm and I employ each day are safe and comfortable. I am (usually) pretty in-tune with what Malcolm needs at any given moment ... There is very little guessing required (especially with all of his words and signs to guide me).

We even get to enjoy separate moments of down time every day!

Things have really fallen into place and settled there quite nicely, so I wonder if I'm ready to shake things up again.

(I better be!)

Although I am really and truly excited to meet the new little human that has been hitching a ride with me since the beginning of July, I find that a different part of me is sad that this life as I know it is coming to an end.

My time as a mother of one is dwindling.

The everyday moments with just myself and my firstborn are almost over.

A chapter of our lives is closing.

Yet, when I go to that new baby book, its pages crisp and clean and empty (and ready for my silver jelly pen), my sadness dissipates.

I can imagine all the possibilities ...

Soon, the pages will be filled with pictures.

There will be new memories and favorite moments to record!

New milestones to reach!

A chance to start fresh again ... A new beginning for our entire family!

All the questions and concerns from before will, again, be answered.

And while the baby book may look exactly the same on the outside, the contents will be different. They will continue the story, the next chapter ... And two years from now I'll wonder how things ever felt normal before.

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